This past week I learned one fundamental about myself, there is a lot of pent up aggression I don’t tend to release, and when it doesn’t get exposed too often it builds and builds until there is just an explosion. And when I share this aggressive side, people are a little taken back. They become so accustom to the “Nice Guy” part of me, that the aggressive behaviour I share with the rest of the world every once and a while becomes a turn-off.
So begs the question, is it healthy to embrace the inner “asshole”, does it pay to be nice all the time? Humans are humans, we are a chamber of emotions. We can lock up a majority of the negative emotions for a greater part of our lives but does it do us any good? And is there a healthier way of expressing it?
Often times my frustration comes from people’s lack of understanding of who I am, I strongly believe that I am a futurist. A person who is a head of the times. I get frustrated when I have so many ideas swarming in my head and have a need to express my future plans with people or share what is happening around the world and people just don’t get it.
I often turn to alcohol, to numb my brain from all the ideas that I want to be able to work on just so I don’t get too far ahead of myself. And I am able to freely express them. But with that comes the darker side to my personality, the side I spent all week ignoring and kept locked up. Then, there is this tipping point, where it becomes an explosive amount of energy.
Before I use to be worried about what I would find on my phone the next morning, who did I text, who did I call? Now it seems to be a different pattern of “OH God, what did I share on Facebook!” or “What person did I message on Facebook that I alienated a friendship with. Sometimes, I just have to laugh at the shear ridiculousness of my personality.
There’s no point in complaining or feeling bad after the fact, and, I don’t like playing the “Blame it on the alcohol abuse” the evening before. All you can do is forgive yourself and move on.
Truth is, everyone is like this. No one will admit it in person to you, because we disguise our personality behind walls like Facebook. We want people to love us, and know how to play up a character. Then there are those that just use social media to vent, there is no positive side other than sharing things they love but for the most part creating rants through FB Status updates. And we become accustom to their personality online, mean while they are actually really nice in person.
And you can say “I don’t do that” or “What you see is what you get” but you know that would be a lie. Lets be honest with ourselves here for one second. We are human, we have emotions that need to be expressed. We have anger, we have happiness, we have sadness and all of these and countless more needs to be expressed. Don’t go hating on yourself for saying something out of anger want to express it in fear of not being accepted.The more you share, the healthier emotionally you get.
Finding ways to share it that is not abusive to other people is the important part, don’t worry about how ridiculous you might look. Or how other people will perceive you to be after posting something. If they judge you based off of words written on a social site, they are really judging themselves. “Judge not lest ye be judge”
I don’t make any apologize about not censoring myself, it is just the way I choose to live my life. And some will subscribe to my lifestyle while others will not. It’s learning how to accept my behaviour, when it becomes untamed. Don’t think for one second that I am “That person” because my personality tends to fluctuate within a matter of minutes and that’s the way I’ve been, and continue to be.
This week, was just one of those weeks, I had a lot to celebrate for, and by over indulging in bad habits I might have over board which just simply brings out a different side no one is use to.
Do you ever get like this?